2019 Reflections {and Things I’m Afraid to Tell You}

I recently listened to Victoria Myers’ podcast episode about her 2019 reflections, and it inspired me to share my own with you all. I’m also going to share my 2020 goals. It’s scary to be so raw with you all, but my hope is that through sharing about my own lessons, you all can be encouraged and learn from me.

So here we go…

In short, 2019 was a really hard year. It involved lots of change, stress, and transition, which can be good, but also hard when it’s all happening at once. I’m ready to leave what I can in 2019, and start fresh in 2020. Let me expand.

BECAME A FULL-TIME ENTREPRENEUR 

In December 2018, I became a full-time entrepreneur for the first time. I left traditional 9-5 work in 2017, but had been doing a combination of part-time work and my Beautycounter and health coaching business. At the time I left part-time work, I wasn’t replacing my part-time salary, but I felt that my businesses were moving in the right direction and if I had more time I would be able to grow my businesses.

Here’s what I learned – I do not thrive under pressure. At first I was excited and poured energy into my businesses, but then as time went and my income didn’t grow I became stressed, anxious, and desperate. Instead of being in a giving mindset, I focused on what I lacked – which stifled my creative energy. I lost connection to why I was even doing what I was doing. I lost sight of my vision.

The stress of building businesses, not feeling like I was doing enough, and needing to make money took a huge toll on my body. In 2019, I got sick a lot, I was constantly fatigued, and experienced stomach pain periodically. My immune system and adrenals were shot.

MOVING BACK TO MINNESOTA

In 2017, Blake and I moved to Philadelphia for adventure and to be close to my oldest sister and her family. It was an incredibly experience of growth and opportunity. We only planned to be there one year, but Blake got a great job and we extended our stay another year. Around the time I went full-time with my businesses, we started feeling like it was time to leave Philly. While we loved the people and experiences we had there, it wasn’t home and we didn’t see ourselves there long-term.

As I’ve built a deeper connection with myself and my needs, I’ve learned that I don’t do well in busy places. Living in a basement apartment, dealing with lots of people and traffic, and being in a place that always had something going on was wearing on me. So we started making plans to move back home in August.

It’s great to be back in Minnesota, but it’s still been an adjustment. We spent two years in Philly, we are different people because of it, and we made great friends back there. Plus, we are living in Minneapolis (not St. Paul where we were before) and going to a new church. It’s all been good, and I know part of God’s plan, just being honest it has been an adjustment.

What I’ve learned – I’m a HSP (highly sensitive person) and I need to be gentle with myself.

HEALTH STRUGGLES

This one is so humbling, as a health coach, but this year has been filled with a lot of health struggles. I mentioned it above, but the stress of work, finances, and moving has taken a huge toll on my body. The last year I have been super fatigued, had stomach pain off and on, gotten a few sinus infections, dealt with sesamoiditis, had a bad case of stomach flu, and now some IBS stuff.

Since about the end of September, I’ve been dealing with lots of IBS-type symptoms and am working to find a solution right now. I’ve never had gut issues, and up until this time, I’ve had a great relationship with food with no off-limit foods. Well, then I started experiencing bloating, extreme stomach pain, diarrhea and constipation, extreme fatigue, headaches, and nausea (sorry if TMI). There have been several days that I can hardly work because I feel terrible. Finally in November I saw an Integrative Nurse Practitioner, and have been combining supplements, lifestyle habits, and diet to help resolve the root cause. No specific diagnosis right now, but we’re pretty sure it all started with a bad stomach virus in the summer that left my gut out of sorts for 2 months and then the added life stress most likely caused dysbiosis.

I’m so thankful to be able to work with an integrative doctor in this process, and I do feel supported through it all. I am also so very thankful to be at the point I am in my relationship with food. If this had happened a couple years ago, making changes to my diet would have most definitely been a trigger to fall back into disordered eating. However, right now my focus is to take care of my body, make sure I eat enough food and satisfying food, and take care of my body and mind holistically I am not triggered to use this to lose weight or “be good” for eating certain foods and avoiding others. What I’m doing right now with food is not forever. My intention is to get to a point where I can eat as many foods as possible.

Intuitive eating has not only healed my relationship with food, but it’s healed my relationship with myself and brought me back into connection with my authentic self. I no longer try to control my body, but instead want to work with my body. Right now, this has meant not eating certain foods that makes symptoms worse; reducing stress through journaling, meditation and prayer, doing gentle movement over high intensity movement, and making changes to my work.

What I’m learning – to let go of control and practice compassion.

LOOKING AHEAD TO 2020

If you stuck with me till now, thank you! I highlighted above all the challenges of 2019, but there were some amazing experiences as well, like visiting Boston and Charleston, going fall camping 3 times, launching the Embracing Balance Podcast, working with some amazing clients, and growing my Beautycounter business! Both the challenges and the wins of 2019 have taught me a lot, and I’m taking these lessons with me into 2020.

My word for 2020 is: REST

After a year of transition and stress, my body is screaming loud and clear that I need to rest, reduce stress, and slow down. All this has influenced my goals and intentions for 2020, so here’s what I’m working on (with grace) this coming year:

Personal:

  1. Consistently do morning routine (I’ll share more about this in a later post)

  2. Spend 1 hour on a creative activity a week (working on embroidery and hand lettering!)

  3. Read Bible and pray daily

  4. Read 20 books

  5. No TV on weeknights

Professional:

  1. Become a Certified Intuitive Eating Counselor

  2. Reach Sr. Director with Beautycounter, which would mean financial stability and that I would be a leader in the community (support my business)

  3. Have 500 podcast downloads (help me do this)

  4. Support my Beautycounter team on a greater level

Relationships:

  1. Date with Blake once a week

  2. Talk to everyone in my family at least once a month

  3. Host someone for a meal once a month

Health:

  1. Get outside for 20 minutes a day

  2. Do physical therapy and stretching every day

  3. Gentle movement over high intensity movement

  4. Meditate daily

Big news! I am currently working on getting a full-time job. I will share more later, but I have something in the works. This has been a challenging decision to come to, but I know I need this right now in my life. I am not giving up my Beautycounter (I will never give that up) or Choosing Balance, but I do not want to depend on those for regular income right now. As I mentioned above, I do not thrive under pressure and the pressure to make money with my businesses has taken me away from creative energy and my heart behind my businesses. I want this back – I want to serve you all! I also need to focus on my health right now, and my body has been telling me that something needs to change, so I’m listening. More to come!

So, what are your goals and intentions for 2020? Let me know in the comments below!

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